TSMS-Hold Me Up

I heard this on the radio on the way home from work and it so fits how I feel right now that I know it was a message from God for me. I am so heart broken that I can't make it through on my own. I have no strength left in me. I never imagined pain like this. I just can't accept not being able to see my baby brother again. I alternate between falling to the floor sobbing hysterically or being so mad and just wanted to hit things over and over again. My dad's heart is broken and he is holed up in his house and won't answer the phone or come to the door. We need you, Lord.





Gordon Mote | Albums
Hold Me Up

VERSE
Lord You promised
There'd be nothing
That we couldn't make it through
And in my heart I know Your word is true

It's just these waters
That I'm sailing through right now
Are mighty rough
Could You wrap me in Your arms and hold me up

CHORUS
Hold me up
So I can sing
I've been trying hard to fly
But I can't find my wings

I am traveling through a time
Where all I have is not enough
I need to hear Your voice
And feel Your touch

Could you wrap me in Your arms
And hold me up

VERSE
Lord I know I'm not the only one
Whose heart is hurting now
There are others, Lord
Who need to feel Your power

And if anyone knows how we feel
Lord we know it's You
So please come and do
What only you can do

CHORUS
Hold us up
So we can sing
We've been trying hard to fly
But we can't find our wings

We've been traveling through a time
When all we have is not enough
We need to hear Your voice
And feel Your touch

Could you wrap us in Your arms
And hold us up

I am traveling through a time
Where all I have is not enough
I need to hear Your voice
And feel Your touch

Could you wrap me in Your arms
And hold me up

Hold me up

Chad

If you read my blog yesterday, you heard the horrible news about my baby brother. I am just trying to cling to God during this time. I just feel so absolutely heartbroken. The thought of not seeing my baby brother again just overwhelms me and leaves me sobbing hysterically. I am clinging to yesterday's memory verse because I have started having panic attacks driving to work. I work 3rd shift and have to go in during the night. I can't see that well and it fills me with fear. Chad was walking on the road in the night and was hit by a SUV and I just keep picturing that. I will be so glad when I get moved back to WV and will be working days so I don't have to drive in the dark for a long time.
I remember when Chad was born. He was such a pretty baby but he had colic and cried for ages. I remember taking him for walks with my stepmother. Chad was one of those super friendly people who never knew a stranger and was always laughing. I just keep seeing his smiling face in my head. I don't know if he was killed instantly or if not how long he lived. I do know that until the accident at least he wasn't in a saved state and thats another thought that is driving me crazy. I am asking God for a sign and praying that Chad had time to get right with God. I think of all the lost opportunities to witness to him. All the pictures I didn't take. All the I love yous I didn't say. My heart is broken and I feel like I am losing my mind but I am holding onto yesterday's memory verse again.
For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7


This is Chad dressed to take a friend to Prom


Chad worked as a coal miner and this is him after work


Chad showing how tough he was


Chad and his tattoo. I love the close up of his face.

A-Z Scripture Memorization - F

I am behind on week's newest verse. On the day this was sent out, I received word that my 21 year old baby brother had been killed in an accident. I know there isn't a time when anyone is ready for this but I never thought since I am 43 yrs old that I would bury my brother who is 22 years younger than me. The entire family just feels so completely devastated. I keep hoping to wake from this nightmare. I am just clinging to God and praying for the best. I don't know how to get through except one moment at a time.
I am trusting that this week's verse is a message from God. I have been feeling afraid and second guessing every decision in my life as a result. I have been so nervous and my hands keep shaking. I think my biggest fear has been that my dad would kill himself over this. My sister and I were part of Dad's life but never like Chad was. Dad doesn't have a relationship with God and without Chad there isn't anything left in Dad's life. He is on disability so he doesn't work. He has been bolted in the house and not answering the phones since this happened. Please trust with me that God is moving in Dad's life and he will get saved and be safe.

A - As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord. Joshua 24:15b

B - Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved. Acts 16:31

C - Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Psalm 51:10

D - Devote yourself to prayer, being watchful and thankful. ~ Colossians 4:2

E - Every good and perfect gift is from above. James 1:17

This week's verse is
F - For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

Thursday news

Right now I am only on day 3 of my healthy lifestyle changes. I have done 3 days of this video. Its only 10 minutes of cardio and a minute of stretching but I am so out of shape that the first day I could only do 6 minutes. But the past 2 I have done the whole thing. I am proud of the fact that at least I can do the whole video and that I have done it 3 days in a row. As soon as I get this one mastered I will be adding or switching to new videos. Its a shame that I am this out of shape but without working at the beginning, it will never change. I haven't lost any weight and as any dieter will tell you thats discouraging. We want to see instant results. I just am telling myself that the results might be slow in coming but that they are coming and even if its only 5-10 lbs a month in a year that will be 60-120 lbs less. I just have to keep on keeping on.
My left knee is sore today, I think I over extended during the stretches yesterday so today I did a little more marching and less of the other exercises but I did at least keep moving. RA makes diet and exercise a challenge. I haven't really started cutting any calories, right now I am just trying to make better choices. If I want something junky, I ask if its really worth it and weight my options. I won't lie, day 1 I did eat some barbeque potato sticks but I knowingly made that choice and I have done better on day 2 and 3. I got some really cool popsicles at the store on clearance and they are only 20 calories each and taste really good. Lets face it, part of my problem is that I like to snack and I have to find better snack choices if I am going to make it. Its just not realistic to say I am going to stop snacking.

Online Exercise Videos

One of the things I am trying to do is to exercise more. I want to lose weight and be healthy. One of the problems with having rheumatoid arthritis is that you keep losing flexibility and its pretty stealthy. You aren't aware of how much is going so I want to do some exercises to increase both strength and flexibility. I have tons of videos but lets face it I am lazy :) By the time I turn on the tv, open the case and load the dvd player I am out of the mood. So for me an exercise video online is perfect. I found some awesome videos at Sparkpeople that are just the right length since I am just starting and they are pretty easy to follow. I am trying to do the 10 minute cardio bookcamp daily and working my way up from there. Hopefully as my new meds start to take effect I will be more able to do things. I go see a rheumatoidolgist next week for the first time ever. I have high hopes for him helping me. I want to halt the progression I see daily.

Philippians 4:13

One of my very favorite scripture verses is Phillipians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me". I love that verse and have blogged about it before. It amazes me how the Holy Spirit can keep teaching me so much in just 10 words. I had a hard time memorizing this verse because I keep trying to change the which to the word who. It just didn't make any sense to me why it would refer to Christ as a which not a who. Then out of nowhere tonight while typing this verse on another site, the Holy Spirit opened my blinded eyes and I finally saw that what strengthens me is doing all things. If you write the verse as I can do all things which strengtheneth me, you will see it. I had completely been misunderstanding this scripture. I can't do everything or all things, only those that are designed to make me stronger and help me grow in Christ. Those are the things that Jesus helps me to do and to overcome. Not everything that we do is profitable for us, spiritually, emotionally or physically. I now understand the context of this verse and see why its which and not who. He opened my blinded eyes :).

A-Z Scripture Memorization - E

I found a wonderful new blog. Anyone one who knows me, knows that I love anything family oriented and love making every day a fun special day. Just from the few posts, I have already read I love this woman's blog. She has a wonderfully neat meme for memorizing scriptures following the letters of the alphabet. I love scripture memorization and I really have wanted to do the letters of the alphabet every since I saw a little 5 year old boy at church go through the alphabet and know a scripture for every letter. I felt put to shame to think I hadn't put as much effort into learning God's word. One of my favorite scriptures is Psalm 119: 11 "Thy word have I hid in my heart that I might not sin against thee". I don't have enough of His word hid in my heart so I can't wait to learn theses verses. I am a little behind but will be working hard to catch up. I hope you will join in and learn some wonderful new verses each week. I am just so excited to be part of this new meme.

Here are the verses so far that I need to catch up on.

A - As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord. Joshua 24:15b

B - Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved. Acts 16:31

C - Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Psalm 51:10

D - Devote yourself to prayer, being watchful and thankful. ~ Colossians 4:2

This week's verse is
E - Every good and perfect gift is from above. James 1:17