Thursday, March 15, 2012


If you read my blog yesterday, you heard the horrible news about my baby brother. I am just trying to cling to God during this time. I just feel so absolutely heartbroken. The thought of not seeing my baby brother again just overwhelms me and leaves me sobbing hysterically. I am clinging to yesterday's memory verse because I have started having panic attacks driving to work. I work 3rd shift and have to go in during the night. I can't see that well and it fills me with fear. Chad was walking on the road in the night and was hit by a SUV and I just keep picturing that. I will be so glad when I get moved back to WV and will be working days so I don't have to drive in the dark for a long time.
I remember when Chad was born. He was such a pretty baby but he had colic and cried for ages. I remember taking him for walks with my stepmother. Chad was one of those super friendly people who never knew a stranger and was always laughing. I just keep seeing his smiling face in my head. I don't know if he was killed instantly or if not how long he lived. I do know that until the accident at least he wasn't in a saved state and thats another thought that is driving me crazy. I am asking God for a sign and praying that Chad had time to get right with God. I think of all the lost opportunities to witness to him. All the pictures I didn't take. All the I love yous I didn't say. My heart is broken and I feel like I am losing my mind but I am holding onto yesterday's memory verse again.
For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

This is Chad dressed to take a friend to Prom

Chad worked as a coal miner and this is him after work

Chad showing how tough he was

Chad and his tattoo. I love the close up of his face.


Cindy Bultema said...

Dear Madonna,

I am so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine your pain, disbelief and grieve. I am praying for you - asking God to comfort, heal and love on you as only He can.

May you sense the prayers of many carrying you through this difficult time.

In Him,
Cindy :)

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