Today is one of those days where I am just tired all the way to my soul. Life seems useless, never ending but at the same time flying by. I have been in constant pain for 9 years with not one day of relief. I can't walk more than 50? feet because my knees hurt so bad and I am gasping for breathe. I can't get my knees replaced because I am too fat and I can't lose weight because I can't move without excrutiating pain. I added up what I eat and its less than 900 calories most days. I have tried all sorts of supplements to find something to help with pain, or my metabolism or just something. Nothing helps, the drs won't give any pain meds thanks to all the drug addicts out there. They are still finding drugs and the rest of us are suffering.
I read blogs on gardening and foraging and want to do that so bad yet can't make it to my own porch most days. I don't even know why I am still alive. Nothing worth living for. I guess so I can take care of my dogs, won't have anything once they are gone. I see posts from people's vacations and know even if I went to that place, I wouldn't be able to do anything.
I don't have car, no money to get a car, bills are starting to overwhelm me and I can't see a way out. You can't even complain about life because then people start with all the great stuff. They don't realize how overwhelming it is to have to justify my feelings to them. Their lying to make me feel better only makes it worse. I'm tired all the way to my soul. I can't see my life ever being better.
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