Friday, December 27, 2013


I was laying in bed last night and suddenly realized that I am depressed. It has just come over me so slowly that I didn't see it. Plus I don't feel sad, I just don't feel.  I was clinically depressed a number of years ago and I can still remember the overwhelming feeling of sadness and just crying all the time. I lost about 50 lbs and wasn't able to function.  I couldn't sleep and would be awake days at a time. I finally went to the dr and they put me on Zoloft and it helped almost immediately.

I guess that's why I didn't get it this time that I am so depressed because I am almost the polar opposite. I sometimes cry a bit at sad stuff but it passes quickly and I go back to my usual numbness. I gained 50 lbs instead of losing it. I sleep all the time and stay home as much as possible. I bitterly resent having to leave the house for anything. I can count on one hand the number of times I saw my best friend this year and she only lives a few miles down the road. I don't go to stores, I send my daughter in for me, mostly. I have stopped going to church. I still talk to God daily but I just don't go to church. I don't keep up with friends online or by calling.

Now that I have realized it, I am going to spend the next week trying to deal with it but if I don't see improvement I am going to call the dr and possibly get some medicine to help.


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