Tax Time

Well I finally got my W2s from work and filled out my taxes. I pay the bare minimum in federal because due to my work situation I fell behind on my student loans so they sometimes keep my return. If I get it back I am getting just over $600 and will use it to pay the trailer off sooner. I won't know until they keep it though. I applied for a deferrment on my student loans but never got anything in the mail nor have I gotten any bills from them so who knows. As soon as I get the trailer paid for I am going to set up a payment plan with them though so that monkey will be off my back. I sometimes hate the financial aid people. I never got any loans the first 3 years of school but they kept after me to take out a loan. Turns out they get more funding if more students are in financial aid. They went on and on about how easy it would be to pay the loans back. I ended up borrowing about $11000 total but with fees and all its around $25000 now. I don't see that as low interest. Nor is there any way to get out from under it. I highly encourage everyone to never take out loans. Its about the only debt that you cant get relief from. Yet another thing I would change if I could live my life over. I know I am not very good at the whole paperwork thing. After my breakdown in 1997 paperwork completely confuses me and I have trouble dealing with it all.


Here is the song I am feeling today. I am patiently waiting on the Lord but not sure if I am still right because I am still clinging to Mark 11:24 Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them. And the thing I most desire is to spend the rest of my life with Junior. I just feel that if that wasn't God's plan for me, all those times I prayed and cried out asking Him to help me stop caring would have worked. So I am quietly trusting and waiting.

Happy Sunday

Well life keeps going on. After much prayer and not being able to work up my nerve to tell the guy I was dating that it needed to end, I am glad to say that he followed my lead and we have agreed to just be friends. So God took care of my Abraham issue. Now my next biggest issue is my feelings for Junior. I realize that I made him the center of my life and not God. I can't manage to love Junior less but I need to love God more. I need to focus and draw closer to God and trust Him with my life. I need to depend on Him and know that He will always be there for me. Pray for me as I work out this problem in my life and work to get closer to God.

I have cooked all morning. I boiled a dozen eggs, baked a pan of chicken strips and made a huge pan of lasagna. I want to start eating healthier so am going to start taking salads to work and I like chicken and eggs in my salads so now I am set for lunches this week. Tonight though I am taking lasagna for me and a coworker. I feel pretty good about where God has led my life right now. I am hoping to buy a used trailer next week from an old friend. That way if I should move back to WV I will have a home and Amanda will always have a place to live. Its not my dream home but it will be mine.

Check out this video from an amazing young man.

An Abraham issue

Friends I need your prayers that I would make the right decisions in my life. I find myself acting like Abraham. Not the up on the mountain trusting God to provide Abraham but the down in the valley thinking God needs my help to fulfill His promise to me. Looking at all the trouble in the Middle East that is a direct result of the conflicts between Ishmeal and Isreal, I see what happens when we don't wait on God's timing. But I am tired and discouraged. Every day someone is on my case about moving on and when I tell them that I feel and believe in my soul that God is going to work a miracle, I get more grief. Then I start to think maybe I am fooling myself and God really does want me to move on. I need help.
On that note here is a favorite song of mine that is about Abraham and choosing God.

Building 429- "Where I belong"

Sometimes it feels like I have no clue where I belong, its nice to be reminded where I belong and Who I belong to. I try to always only listen to christian music in the car and in my life. I figure if you only dwell on good thoughts it has to help you get closer to God. One of the 2 stations I listen to is KLove. I love that they offer free song downloads. Here is this week's offering song by one a my new favorite groups. Its called Where I belong by Building 429.




Sometimes it feels like I'm watching
From the outside
Sometimes it feels like I'm breathing
But am I alive?
I will keep searching for answers
That aren't here to find

(Chorus)
All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong

So when the walls come falling down on me
And when I'm lost in the current of a raging sea
I have this blessed assurance holding me.

Chorus

When the earth shakes
I wanna be found in You
When the lights fade
I wanna be found in You

Chorus (X2)

Where I belong (X4)

Then Sings my Soul- Nothing Greater than Grace

So far this is a wonderful year for me. I made my last car payment yesterday so thats $240 a month I can start saving, I now live 8.5 miles from work so my fuel costs have been cut by 3/4 and my rent is lower. I am so loving having a dishwasher, my frig got fixed finally yesterday. I just feel that my life is going so well now and want to give God all the praise for that. I really feel this is the best my life has been in a long time. I can't honestly say I am happy but things are on an even keel. I miss seeing my daughters and grandchildren. I still am in love with someone who no longer wants to be with me but I am working on getting over that. More importantly, I feel closer to God every day and am so blessed. Here is one of my favorite songs right now that I keep hearing on the radio. I bought the mp3 from Amazon yesterday because I love it so much. Sometimes when you are in the midst of the storms its hard to remember that nothing that comes against us is greater than the grace of God but I am so glad when Jesus reminds me of that and holds me in His arms to shield me from the blows.

Back in the saddle

Well I am finally living in a new apartment in Winston Salem. I actually have internet for the first time in almost 2 months. I really like this apartment. Now I would to start getting my act together in 2012. Sadly I feel that God isn't calling me home to WV any time soon so for whatever reason He want me here in NC, I am going to do my best here. I think part of it is He is wanting me to get over Junior. I guess when the thought of not being with him stops bringing me to my knees sobbing hysterically I might get to go home. So on that note here are some goals for the years.

1. Lose weight (always on the list but I would like this to be the last year its on here)

2. save some money to buy a place of my own

3. get more fiscally stable.

4. Draw closer to God and spend more time with Him.

5. Be happy




This is my wonderful porch. Its huge and I love sitting at the table watching the birds. I am going to buy some feeders.



Love the alcove above my stove and I seriously love the dishwasher.


cute little woodstove sitting in its own alcove. I dont use it but its cute. I think I might get some wood and keep on hand just in case since I heat with electricity.


This place was meant for me. It has built in bookcases on both sides of the living room and over my bed.



I just like this fan and the wood ceilings.