Depressed

I was laying in bed last night and suddenly realized that I am depressed. It has just come over me so slowly that I didn't see it. Plus I don't feel sad, I just don't feel.  I was clinically depressed a number of years ago and I can still remember the overwhelming feeling of sadness and just crying all the time. I lost about 50 lbs and wasn't able to function.  I couldn't sleep and would be awake days at a time. I finally went to the dr and they put me on Zoloft and it helped almost immediately.

I guess that's why I didn't get it this time that I am so depressed because I am almost the polar opposite. I sometimes cry a bit at sad stuff but it passes quickly and I go back to my usual numbness. I gained 50 lbs instead of losing it. I sleep all the time and stay home as much as possible. I bitterly resent having to leave the house for anything. I can count on one hand the number of times I saw my best friend this year and she only lives a few miles down the road. I don't go to stores, I send my daughter in for me, mostly. I have stopped going to church. I still talk to God daily but I just don't go to church. I don't keep up with friends online or by calling.

Now that I have realized it, I am going to spend the next week trying to deal with it but if I don't see improvement I am going to call the dr and possibly get some medicine to help.

1 Peter 1:7

     During this valley, I have just kept telling myself over and over again that all things happen for the glory of God and somehow someway there will be glory brought from this. I will be honest that it hasn't done much for me to lessen the pain but at least I haven't been bitter or blamed God. I don't expect this side of Heaven to understand why but I am trusting God.
     Here are a couple of scripture verses that I have found helpful right now.  I heard the first one in a Beth Moore bible study and it really stuck with me. I know we have a very real enemy who wants to hurt us and destroy us. Satan wants to inflict pain and cause us to turn from God. So I think he meant to cause me to give up on God during this trial but God is somehow using it for good. I can't see the good right now but I am depending on it. I may have posted the song below already but I am really depending on the words in the song.

Genesis 50:20

King James Version (KJV)

²⁰ But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive.

1 Peter 1:7

King James Version (KJV)

⁷ That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:

New Living Translation (©2007)
These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold--though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.